Ace Attorney Inc
by Xane Kudo
Summary: So everyone decided to quit the law business and work for some random company called Ace Attorney Inc. Sounds like fun, right? Well, if you like random breakdancing, super public and sexual office affairs that no one will give a hoot about, and your favorite and non-favorite characters getting into all sorts of hijinks, then come on in! Your sanity may not leave the same...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: If you've read my other fic, Blazblue Inc, then you know what to expect here. If not...**

* * *

It was a normal day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Phoenix Wright was on lunch break with Maya Fey, who proceeded to eat the entire restaurant.

"Maya, have you seen Apollo anywhere?" Phoenix asked.

Maya, between chews, shook her head. "Nope. Haven't seen him."

Phoenix wondered where did his big foreheaded buddy go. Maya, on the other hand, was busy stuffing her face with everything she could get her hands on.

That burger over there. Yum.

Those fries. Juicy.

Phoenix's wing-wacker. No wait, she had that this morning. Oh well, Round 2 never hurt anyone.

Before she ripped off his pants, the bathroom door opened, and out came Athena Cykes.

Followed by Juniper Woods.

Then Robin Newman.

Then Myriam Scuttlebutt.

Then Vera Misham.

Then Alita Tiala.

Then Aura Blackquill.

Then Sasha Buckler.

Then Ema Skye.

Then Bonny de Famme.

Then Betty de Famme.

Then Geiru Toneido.

Then April May.

Then Penny Nichols.

Then Dee Vasquez.

Then Lotta Hart.

Then Lana Skye.

Then Angel Starr.

Then Mimi Miney.

Then Regina Berry.

Then Adrian Andrews.

Then Viola Cadaverini.

Then Lisa Basil.

Then Kay Faraday.

Then Rhoda Teneiro.

Then Cammy Meele.

Then Lauren Paups.

Then Shih-na.

Then Nicole Swift.

Then Patricia Roland.

Then Karin Jenson.

Then Espella Cantabella.

Then Eve Belduke.

And finally, after that long gag of random women, out came one Apollo Justice, who not only had no clothes on, but was crawling on the floor, his crotch and butt clearly bruised and spongy.

Phoenix could only stare in shock at what he just saw. Meanwhile, Maya stopped what she was doing and came from under the table they were sitting at and saw Apollo.

"Oh, found him!"


	2. Chapter 2

It was a perfect day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Franziska von Karma was always on time, down to the dot.

Not even one millisecond late, and she's been doing so for the time she's been working here.

Which wasn't that long ago, but eh.

As she punched in, she turned to see the most horrific sight that her perfect eyes laid eyes on.

Seriously, it was worse than seeing herself be late.

Worse than seeing Edgeworth naked. She threw up for days.

Worse than seeing Phoenix Wright naked...that didn't involve her being nude as well.

Worse than seeing Larry naked. She literally reincarnated right then and there to forget the whole ordeal.

It was...Manfred von Karma, and he was breakdancing.

"Papa! Wha...what are you doing?" She asked.

Manfred turned to her and smirked. "I am breakdancing, my daughter! Join me and we shall be perfection!"

Franziska thought about it.

On one hand, she'd rather steal Phoenix away and-

"Very well, Papa!" So she removed her clothing, changed and got down with her sexy self.

* * *

And thus, the breakdancing duo of father and daughter made the news and broke the interwebs.

Also because somehow, Pearl Fey uploaded a virus to the entire internet and called it the "Whine and Bitch about irrelevant shit." Virus. It's a virus that hits all social media and what it does is that anytime someone updates a status, it automatically reverts it to them bitching and whining.

Why did she do that? Only Trucy knows. You can ask her, though.

The von Karmas then met another breakdancing duo, Azrael and Nu.

The four became so large, the world became a pyramid.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a normal day at Ace Attorney Inc.

"Gumshoe, what is this?"

Miles Edgeworth was chilling in his office, doing nothing but working on things.

Things you're too little to understand, little man.

And one of those things was the tape that was currently in Edgeworth's hands.

"Oh, that? Well, the boys down at the precinct found it and thought that you'd might like it, sir!"

Edgeworth examined the tape. "Is that so? Very well then, I'll look into it later."

"You got it, pal!" Gumshoe said as he left.

* * *

Some time later, Edgeworth decided to check out the tape that he had gotten from Gumshoe.

"Might as well see what this is about."

As he put the tape in, his wife, Justine Courtney-Edgeworth, walked in.

"Oh, hello dear. What are you doing?" she asked.

"Well, Gumshoe gave me this tape to watch, and now I'm about to see what it's about."

The tape rolled into the VCR and Edgeworth pressed play.

* * *

One taping later, and the two were walking out of the office.

"Well...that was...something." Justice commented.

"Indeed…" Edgeworth replied.

"...I think I need to talk to Miss Fey about what went down that night…" Justine said.

"You do that, dear. I'll go...apologize to Larry…" Edgeworth said as the two went their separate ways.

In the corner, Gumshoe watched the entire exchange, and wondered if he shouldn't have game Edgeworth that tape.

Then again, that Christmas party was epic as balls, especially since watching Edgeworth taking a literal piss on Larry Butz was a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

As was the epic make-out session between Justine Courtney and Maya Fey.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a boopy day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Rayfa Padma Khura'i was angry.

Why was she angry, you ask?

Well, it is quite the simple reason, my love.

You see, she just so happened to have found someone who she has caught a loving affection for.

That someone...was Apollo Justice.

Yes, _that_ Apollo Justice.

The same one that had whoopy-time with all of those women in chapter 1.

Now I know that you may have other questions about that, so fuck you and let's move on.

How did young Rafya fall in love with such a nice young man?

That, my darling, is also a simple reason.

For you see…

...he drunkenly sucked face with her at that Christmas party.

Now you may be asking why wasn't he arrested for sexually assaulting a minor?

That was some hard ass eggnog, ladies and gentlemen.

But long story short, now she wants to have him take her, bend her over a table, and J-J-J-J-J-JAM IT IN!

BUT WAIT, you say once more, and I sigh.

That's...wrong!

That I know, and so does Rafya.

I mean, she's only 14, you know.

So she's sad that she's not old enough to be tapped by our large foreheaded butt monkey here.

But...she has an idea.

An idea so crazy, that I'll allow it.

She called a number that she found on the internet, in the deep hells of the internet.

You know...where _those_ people live.

Yeah, the normal people.

Anyway, the number she called was for a genie who could grant wishes, and she had one specific one in mind.

"Oh my genie...I wish to become older so that I can have the sexiest body ever. So much so that Apollo won't keep his hands and everything else off of me!"

She giggled with the possibilities, but she also knew that many men would try to get with her, but she'll kick them all away and only let Apollo see her.

The call was a week ago, and the genie was supposed to be coming at any minute.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Oh! That must be her!"

Rayfa then opened the door to reveal a dark skinned purple haired girl wearing a tiara and a red bedlah and an angry expression on her face. She simply handed a folded piece of paper to Rafya.

Rafya opened the paper to reveal a message.

 _Tough shit, kid._

 _From, Shantae._

Rafya then looked up to see Shantae making faces at her as she danced around and repeatedly stuck her middle fingers up at her.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a dreadful day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Jinxie Tenma was having a big problem.

She had drunk too much water, and was now on the verge of pissing herself.

"Oh my demons! I have to use the toilet, now!"

She rushed to the toilet and made it into one of the stalls, where she had the biggest relief of her life.

"Whew! That was too close. Any longer and...I don't want to think about it…"

Just then, she heard a noise right next to her, followed by a moan.

"Wha...um..uh...h-hello? Are you ok in there?" She asked timidly.

Then she heard another moan, followed by the sound of...kissing?

After flushing the toilet, she stood on top of it to see what was going on…

...only to find Trucy Wright and Pearl Fey in a intense make-out session, and from what she could see, it looked like they were about to go a lot further than a make-out.

She silently gasped as she ducked back down, covering her mouth to not make a sound.

"T...trucy? But...why?"

Then a bra flew into her stall...and she promptly fainted.

* * *

It would be an hour before she woke up and left.

It would be _three_ hours before Trucy and Pearl left.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a boring day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Maya Fey was hungry.

"Man, I'm hungry…"

As she walked along down the yellow brick road, she came across a restaurant simply known as Niku.

"Hmm, what's this? New place?"

Her stomach rumbled with the force of an earthquake, so she went inside to check it out.

On the menu, it was nothing but meat, meat and did I mention meat? Because that's on there, too.

"Well...this all looks good to eat…"

So she asked for one of everything: no cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce and farm raised tomatoes, carnival style.

There wasn't anything else she wanted, so she hesitated to ask.

"Time to dig in!"

So she took a bite…

* * *

Meanwhile, outside, Larry was trying to put the moves on Maggey Byrde, who was busy picking her nose, when they heard an explosion.

They turned to see Maya naked on the floor, and the bill placed on her ass.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a nice day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Godot was drinking his usual multiple gallons of coffee.

Seriously, that's a shit ton of coffee.

And he does that. Every day.

"My blood is caffeine, baby! Keeps me wide awake and ready to please the ladies."

During his drinking spree, Iris watched as he gulped down cup after cup, bottle after bottle, and wondered where did it all go.

She would soon find out…

Later that day, Iris decided to go see Phoenix for a night of porn reenactment, when she was stopped by a loud moan coming from the kitchen.

"What was that?"

Curious, she took a peek and saw something that she could never unsee ever again.

Godot was cutting up coffee beans...and snorting them.

But what made it even more unforgettable was that Mia was there, dressed in only her bra and panties.

And then the bra came off.

Iris bolted over to Phoenix's place so fast that she ran over Larry Butz, his body exploding on impact.

* * *

That night, Phoenix was sent to the hospital for a smashed and shattered crotch, and Iris had to use a cane for the next 6 months.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a beautiful day at Ace Attorney Inc.

Athena Cykes was busy typing away, doing nothing that would remotely interest you at all.

"I'm bored…"

Just then, Apollo Justice came by, looking all sexy and stuff.

"Then maybe I can help…"

Athena took his hand and led him somewhere.

* * *

Later that day, Miles Edgeworth wondered where did those two go.

"Hmm...Mr. Justice and Ms. Cykes don't seem to be around here…"

He turned to Phoenix. "Have you seen those two, Wright?"

Phoenix shook his head. "Nope. Maybe they went into space to fight galactic aliens or something."

Edgeworth gave him an incredulous look before walking away.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city.

Trucy Wright and Pearl Fey were walking hand in hand.

"It's such a nice day, isn't it, Pearl?"

"It is, Trucy. But you're much more better than today."

The two embraced, not noticing that Apollo and Athena were running right into them.

They all collided and imploded into a puppy.

* * *

Ema Skye looked on at everything and ignored the randomness of everything.


	9. Chapter 9

It was a random day at Ace Attorney Inc.

I was out of ideas, when all of a sudden, Phoenix Wright bursted into my room.

"Don't give up, Xane!" he yelled as he slapped me. Ye-ouch!

"I know you can do it once again! HERE!"

He hands me a piece of paper with ideas, including one that said "Take a break."

Before I could say anything, he jumped into the toilet and exploded.

And so...I decided to take a break.

Right after I write this one thing...

* * *

After Phoenix Wright appeared some time later, Franziska von Karma took him and ran into the storage closet.

Never has one woman been filled up that much before.


End file.
